Why he doesn’t call

Seriously, why the heck doesn’t he call?

Since the invention of the telephone, this is the dilemma women across the world have been dealing with, and with not much luck. Why Doesn’t A Man Call remains one of the priority topics tackled during girlfriends’ endless phone chats and coffee shop get-togethers, at women’s online forums and in relationship books. It wins over the breaking news, baby raising issues, popular recipes and career advice.

“I met this great guy, we hit it off immediately and he took my number. It has already been three days, and he hasn’t called yet. He must have lost my number, otherwise what’s wrong?!..”

“We’ve been dating for a few months, and it has been wonderful. But he hasn’t called me for a week – why? Should I call him myself?”

“My boyfriend calls me only once a day. Doesn’t he miss me? Is it so hard to pick up the phone and call?”

I

can’t count the times I have been asked stuff like that by my female buddies and I am embarrassed to confess how often I myself have been pondering this (often rhetorical) question. My girlfriends and I eagerly analyzed and reexamined the situations for hours only to get more confused. My Moscow State and Columbia universities’ degrees and my flashy curriculum vitae didn’t help: no matter how much we know, when it comes to relationship land, we, girls, sometimes get to feel helpless and vulnerable. And this is particularly challenging for the women who grew up in the semi-feminist world and are so used to scheming and planning. We’ve become incredibly good at managing our lives and get frustrated when something (or someone) gets out of our control.

Plus the reasons to “why he doesn’t call” are so plentiful. The woman’s fantasy’s a wonderland, so we speculate, and plot, and project possible scenarios, building more and more interpretations. Did he drop his phone into the toilet or accidentally delete my number? Is he sick, too busy, too tired, too shy, too spineless, afraid of rejection or unsure – about me, himself or the relationship? Or perhaps between the last date and now he might have lost his job, or his great grandmother has died, or he could have gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend… Unless he is a good schemer, too,- some dating experts advise guys to wait two-three days before calling a girl in order not to appear too desperate. (Not that I have ever met a guy who read dating advice.)

Psychology manuals insist (justly!) that men are very different from women – the truth we’ve somehow started to ignore during the last 50 years. Men do think, feel and react differently. Their relationship timeline might also be different from that of women; therefore, it could take a man up to weeks if not months to decide to pick up the phone and call. Finally, love issues in general don’t have a similar toll on men as they do on us, girls. Not that relationships are not important for the opposite sex, but guys just tend to think less about them. Especially if the stock market crashes, a car incidentally breaks down, or there’s a Manchester United vs. Zenit match on that evening.

Or – and this option women are most reluctant to consider – the non-calling man might not be very much into us. The 2004 bestseller by two New York writers suggested just this. The book, provocatively titled “He’s Just Not That Into You” (a star-struck Hollywood movie with the same title came out a few years later) called women to lose control and step back, giving in to the utmost and nearly forgotten law of nature – men being The Hunters.



Why he doesn’t call