The Bachelor Diet

Monday

Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” – those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. Afternoon Snack – Drink the maalox Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday

Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

Wednesday

Breakfast – Jaws couldn’t eat Breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s Lunch – Rolaids and a coke Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

Thursday

Breakfast – Order out for pizza Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack forleftovers. Dinner – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

Friday

Breakfast – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you. Lunch – Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder Dinner – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

Saturday

Breakfast – Sleep through it. Lunch – Ditto Dinner – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

Sunday

Breakfast – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie. Lunch – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. Dinner – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

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The Bachelor Diet