Need a change? Here’s the Spice Girls Application Form. . .
Name: Age: Real Age:
1. How would you describe yourself? a. An energetic self starter b. A team player c. Pro-active d. A tasty bit of crumpet
2. Do you have any vestige of talent, besides your chest or butt?
3. Would it bother you if you were the target of unrelenting hatred?
4. Are you willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry? a. Yes b. No
5.How many times have you been kicked out of karaoke bar?
6. Does nudity bother you? If so give three excuses for your portfolio.
7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behaviourist psychology. …just kidding!!
6. Seriously, do you like wearing leather mini-skirts? a. Yes b. No
8. Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light?
9. Choose an appropriate
SPICE nickname: a. Sexy b. Nasty c. Sweetie d. Eezie e. Syphilis f. Olde
10. Choose an appropriate SPICE image: a. Cute, blonde, appeals to paedophiles b. Tub of lard c. Bloke in a tracksuit d. Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity e. Terrifying to small children and old men f. All of the above
11. Do you promise to make two albums and then go away forever? a. Yes b. No
12. Elvis Costello is________________.
A. the king of rock and roll b. former partner to Bud Abbott c. Ollet Socsivle backwards d. oh, you know, this guy
13. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometres and 75 kilometres an hour respectively, how would you look in a bikini?
14. If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles’ loneliness? a. Yes b. No
15. List three body parts you’d be willing to pierce and expose continuously.
16. In the space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.