Sheldon: But then some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm, what if she winds up with a toddler that doesn’t know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I’m sure she’ll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn’t.
Howard: Some of us might have the correct answers too.
Sheldon: Oh please, you don’t even have a PhD!
Penny: Little misunderstanding, huh?
Sheldon: A “little misunderstand – ?” Galileo and the Pope had a “little misunderstanding”.
Sheldon: This car weighs, let’s say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you…
Sheldon: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self-worth?
Leonard: So, tell us about you.
Penny: Um, me? Okay – I’m a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes – it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Leonard: [discussing Sheldon’s work] At least I didn’t have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the math come out.
Sheldon: I didn’t invent them. They’re there.
Leonard: In what universe?
Sheldon: In all of them, that is the point!
Sheldon: You’re not done with her, are you?
Leonard: Our babies will be smart AND beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Mario. How I wish I could control everyone the way I can with you?
[Presses buttons frantically]
Sheldon Cooper: Hop, you little plumber! Hop, hop, hop!
Sheldon: That’s where I sit.
Penny: What’s the difference?
Sheldon: What’s the difference? In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer, it’s directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.
Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.
Leonard: Yes, and you’ve never met one of them.
Sheldon: That’s the beauty of it.