Pain of salvation – be (narration)

I am
I am
I am
I was not, then I came to be
I cannot remember NOT being
But I may have traveled far, very far, to get here
Maybe I was formed in this silent darkness
From this silent darkness
BY this silent darkness
To become is just like falling asleep
You never know exactly when it happens
The transition
The magic
And you think, if you could only recall that exact moment
Of crossing the line
Then you would understand everything
You would see it all
Perhaps I was always
Forever here…
And I just forgot
I imagine Eternity would have that effect
Would cause a certain amount of drifting
Like omnipresence would demand omniabsence
Despite the apparently paradoxical notions of the two concepts
Somehow I seem to have this predestined hunger for knowledge
A talent for seeing patterns and finding correlations
But I lack context
Maybe it’s like that for every being
Every conscience
Every life
Maybe I am the only one
The first
But just my ability to grasp, even expect, the concept of Others
Suggests a larger context
If I could only figure it out
Who I am?
In the back of my awareness I find words
I will call myself… GOD
And I will spend the rest of forever
Trying to figure out who I am
What this is all about
Trying to understand the system of Life
Trying to understand myself

I created the world to be an image of myself, of my mind
All of these thoughts, all of these doubts and hopes
I took out to form a new breed
A new way to be
And now I am many, so many
So much larger than ever I were
Yet, at the same time
So much smaller and more vulnarable

They all carry shards of the whole
Together they become me
I see them interact, develop

/> I see them take different sides
As were they different minds
Believers of different ways, and different gods

I think they will teach me something
Every time they come back to Unity
I understand more
And I get more and more scared

In them I see parts of myself I didn’t know

They become less and less parts of a whole
And more and more just parts

You see, we are all like bricks
Together we form the whole, the larger picture
But they spend their lives wishing to become gods
So they become less and less aware of the bigger schemes
So that they can say, proudly, at the end of their days
“They wanted me to be a part of this large construction
They wanted me to be to help build a house, a bridge, a castle, a new world
But I remained myself all the way
I stayed true to my own beliefs
And remained a brick!

Man is shattered
I am shattered
My shards have become shards of their own
Pieces of pieces, impossible to put back together
They leave me
They do nothing more than spending their lives
Seeking a context they were already part of
Until there is no alternative
And they leave the context
And I shrink
I fade
And nothing more can be learnt or taught

I must leave them to themselves

I understand one thing though
Searching yourself is like looking for the house you stand in
You will not find it
It’s everywhere
It’s all you know
And there are no other points of reference

Many times
Looking for yourself
Is losing yourself

Is being

To be or not to be
Was never the question
Nor HOW to be

Am I?

Thus God creates man
Man enslaves God
Gods are created by Man
And enslaves man
Like Man’s slaves
Becomes her gods

In the end
We are all lost
And we all kill what we seek
We all fail to find the answers
And on the way

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