Oliver twist or the parish boy’s progress (1 – 9)

Oliver twist or the parish boy’s progress



Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many
Reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to
Which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently
Common to most towns, great or small: to wit, a workhouse; and
In this workhouse was born; on a day and date which I need not
Trouble myself to repeat, inasmuch as it can be of no possible
Consequence to the reader, in this stage of the business at all
Events; the item of mortality whose name is prefixed to the head
Of this chapter.

For a long time after it was ushered into this world of sorrow
And trouble, by the parish surgeon, it remained a matter of
Considerable doubt whether the child would survive to bear any
Name at all;

in which case it is somewhat more than probable that
These memoirs would never have appeared; or, if they had, that
Being comprised within a couple of pages, they would have
Possessed the inestimable merit of being the most concise and
Faithful specimen of biography, extant in the literature of any
Age or country.

Although I am not disposed to maintain that the being born in a
Workhouse, is in itself the most fortunate and enviable
Circumstance that can possibly befall a human being, I do mean to
Say that in this particular instance, it was the best thing for
Oliver Twist that could by possibility have occurred. The fact
Is, that there was considerable difficulty in inducing Oliver to
Take upon himself the office of respiration, – a troublesome
Practice, but one which custom has rendered necessary to our easy
Existence; and for some time he lay gasping on a little flock
Mattress, rather unequally poised between this world and the
Next: the balance being decidedly in favour of the latter. Now,
If, during this brief period, Oliver had been surrounded by
Careful grandmothers, anxious aunts, experienced nurses, and
Doctors of profound wisdom, he would most inevitably and
Indubitably have been killed in no time. There being nobody by,
However, but a pauper old woman, who was rendered rather misty by
An unwonted allowance of beer; and a parish surgeon who did such
Matters by contract; Oliver and Nature fought out the point
Between them. The result was, that, after a few struggles,
Oliver breathed, sneezed, and proceeded to advertise to the
Inmates of the workhouse the fact of a new burden having been
Imposed upon the parish, by setting up as loud a cry as could
Reasonably have been expected from a male infant who had not been
Possessed of that very useful appendage, a voice, for a much
Longer space of time than three minutes and a quarter.

As Oliver gave this first proof of the free and proper action of
His lungs, the patchwork coverlet which was carelessly flung over
The iron bedstead, rustled; the pale face of a young woman was
Raised feebly from the pillow; and a faint voice imperfectly
Articulated the words, ‘Let me see the child, and die.’

The surgeon had been sitting with his face turned towards the
Fire: giving the palms of his hands a warm and a rub
Alternately. As the young woman spoke, he rose, and advancing to
The bed’s head, said, with more kindness than might have been
Expected of him:

‘Oh, you must not talk about dying yet.’

‘Lor bless her dear heart, no!’ interposed the nurse, hastily
Depositing in her pocket a green glass bottle, the contents of

Oliver twist or the parish boy’s progress (1 – 9)