It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive brethren.
Old Phrase New Phrase 1. No fucking way I’m fairly sure that this is not feasible 2. Your fucking joking Really 3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by……………. 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project 5. I don’t have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late 6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem 7. Eat shit and die You don’t say 8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don’t say, Sir 9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you 10. He’s a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive 11. That’s fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe 12. You haven’t got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training 13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today 14. What sort of fucker are you You’re new here aren’t you? 15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go 16. You’re a fucking wanker You’re my manager and I respect you 17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn’t there that day 18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more 19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour 20. Fuck off I’ll look into that and get back to you