Theoretically, Halloween 2006 was the worst day of my life.
During a dressage lesson, my beloved horse tripped, fell down, panicked, jumped up and launched me into a wall all in a matter of seconds. I hit the wall so hard that when I landed, my lungs collapsed.
As I floated outside of my body, I remember thinking, “Well this isn’t a bad way to go…”
And then the universe dumped a cold bucket of reality on me with the horrifying thought of my kids living alone with my still-alcoholic-ex-husband.
Thankfully, that’s all it took to yank me back into my pain-ridden body as my mind (and likely my mouth) screamed for morphine.
HINDSIGHT IS 20/20
I can remember as clear as day how I wanted to cancel my lesson that morning. I was too tired and KNEW I should skip it. On top of that, traffic was horrendous, I almost ran out of gas AND I forgot my riding boots.
Looking back on all of this, had I listened to my intuition, or paid attention to “the signs” would I have broken my back? I don’t know.
But I can tell you this – breaking my back took my “bar” (the barn) away from me and I was forced to sit with myself – it wasn’t pretty and it certainly wasn’t easy.
Boredom, frustration, anger, and pain were taking turns shoveling a pile of pity on me as riding, exercising, working or traveling (my life preservers) could no longer be my distraction du jour due to the seriousness of my injury. It was a dark and depressing period in my life with no pain relief in sight; I can honestly say it was the first time I experienced “hopelessness”.
MAKING SPACE TO LISTEN TO MY GUT
I’m not a quitter – never have been, never will be.
But I have to say this accident tested me. It put me in the fetal position on the field of life for longer than I’m proud of or care to even admit. Luckily,
I had the help of some pretty amazing friends who guided me back to the solace of my soul again with books to read, videos to watch, even asking me for help for their problems as a lure that the world still needed me to play.
So I did what I could. I read. I learned. I wrote. I planned.
And as soon as I could, I took action, charging down a path of personal development from one coast to the other, to India, to Fiji, to Europe and back again, only to find out what my heart had been trying to tell me the whole time…all I needed was always with me.
I just needed to make the space to listen.
REGRETS ARE THE LIES THE MIND TELLS US
Did it take a severe accident I still haven’t fully recovered from to get where I am now? I don’t know. And I really don’t care because one of the things I have learned is “regrets are the lies the mind tells us.”
We will never know one way or the other which exact moment landed us in the one we live. It’s all a hypothesis, mostly devised from a mind whose only knowledge comes from experiences of the past.
Here’s what I DO know. My ex went to rehab and got healthy. I met some incredible people, became friends and business partners with Tony Robbins, met my soul-mate on the internet, got married, had twins and started my own business.
And I look for clues from the universe every second of every day – and you can too just by doing these 3 things!
#1: Become a human lie detector
Think of the biggest lie you could tell yourself.
For example “I hate my son.” (assuming that’s a lie!)
Sit with how that makes you feel. Pay attention to where you feel the physical discomfort. What does the mental anguish feel like?