ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That’s great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That’s terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don’t know what any of it means!! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That’s exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don’t know – Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O. K. Lou. What do you want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That’s true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then – Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off. Abbot: I know, you press the Start button – Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. Abbot: I did. Costello: When? Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button. Costello: Why should I press the Start button? Abbot: To shut off the computer. Costello: I press Start to stop. Abbot: Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer. Costello: I knew it! So what do I press. Abbot: Start Costello: Start what? Abbot: Start button. Costello: Start button to do what? Abbot: Shut down. Costello: You don’t have to get rude! Abbot: No, no, no! That’s not what I meant. Costello: Then say what you mean. Abbot: To shut down the computer, press – Costello: Don’t say, “Start!” Abbot: Then what do you want me to say? Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop. Abbot: But that’s what you do. Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights. Abbot: Don’t be ridiculous. Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it’s about time we started this conversation. Abbot: What are you talking about? Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.